Always
by 7EmberRain7
Summary: Brendon's back to writing songs, but is he back to his old self? Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Ryden, Song fic


"Spencer!"Brendon exclaimed from the living room. "Spence, Come in here! I think I've got one!" He was sitting on the coffee table, his guitar propped in his lap and papers strewn across the table and floor in front of his containing scribbles of notes and lyrics.

"Can't a person pee in peace?" Spencer said as he emerged from the bedroom that lead into the bathroom.

"Tell me what you think," Brendon said, completely ignoring Spencer's words. He placed his guitar pick between his teeth and looked upward at the ceiling, as if thinking of the words. He nodded and started strumming on his acoustic.

"_When the world gets too heavy_

_Put it on my back_

_I'll be your levy_

_You are taking me apart_

_Like bad glue_

_On a get well card"_

The lyrics spilled from Brendon's lips as he sang them. His fingers ran along the guitar's neck with ease, skimming the strings, his gaze only on the guitar, as if serenading an old friend. It was as if he had known this song for years. His eyes fluttered closed and his brow pinched in emotion.

"_It was always you_

_Falling for me_

_Now there's always time_

_Calling for me_

_I'm the light blinking at the end of the road_

_Blink back to let me know"_

Of course, Ryan probably helped him with that. Brendon was in a slump until Ryan came and offered help for the album. Spencer smiled at the memory of them planted on the couch for hours, trying to write a decent ballad. He could still recall the exact facial expression when Spencer had suggested calling Ryan: mere shock and fear. He only stayed long enough to write one song, but ever since then, Brendon had been able to write songs easier than his own name. Brendon probably had each song swimming around in his head before Ryan even left out the door.

"_I'm a fly that's caught in a web_

_But I'm thinking that_

_My spider's dead_

_Oh, lonely little life_

_I could kid myself_

_Thinking that I'm fine"_

Spencer could see Brendon was hurting. He'd never talk about it, of course, but it was so painstakingly obvious. And the annoying fangirls weren't helping one bit. Every time they happen upon a fan, they ask about the split, which always leads to Ryan and Brendon's rumored romance. Brendon would brush it off with a smile, but Spencer could see through his facade. It would be like someone would shut the lights off behind Brendon's eyes, dulling them, and dimming their light.

"_It was always you_

_Falling for me_

_Now there's always time_

_Calling for me_

_I'm the light blinking at the end of the road_

_Blink back to let me know."_

Spencer knew this wasn't just a song. None of the songs Brendon had written lately were just songs. Each of them meaning something. Each of them for Ryan. It was as if Brendon was writing for the soul purpose of Ryan, thinking if he would hear Brendon's words, he would come running back.

"_I'm skin and bone_

_Just a cane and rusty throne_

_Oh, the castle's under siege_

_But the sign outside says 'leave me alone'"_

You would think one would feel awkward listening to another declare their love for someone through song, but Spencer felt nothing close to it. He enjoyed Brendon like this. He could tell that Brendon wouldn't be truly happy unless he was with Ryan, but this is the closest he'd been to happy in months. He looked at home with his guitar in his arms and the lyrics would just be silly words on bits of scrap paper if they were to be sung by anyone else.

"_It was always you_

_Falling for me_

_Now there's always time_

_Calling for me_

_I'm the light blinking at the end of the road_

_Blink back to let me know"_

Brendon finished the song with a final strum and the entire room seemed to have changed. It felt emptier, colder, somehow. Spencer wished he would continue singing.

"What do you think?" Brendon said, smiling up at Spencer.

"I like it, Bren," said Spencer, Brendon's voice snatching him back to reality.

Brendon smiled nervously like a child trying to cover a lie. "I thought of Ryan," said Brendon, his eyes darting to the floor and his hands busying themselves with his guitar.

"I could tell," Spencer said before sitting on the couch across from Brendon, not sure of what to say.

"You think things will ever be back to the way they were? Back to normal?" Brendon asked without tearing his gaze from his guitar.

Spencer sat there on the couch, watching Brendon's hands skim mindlessly over his acoustic, racking his mind for something to say. His honest answer was no. He couldn't imagine Ryan waltzing back into Brendon's life like nothing had ever happen. He had been hurt beyond repair. He couldn't even see the two being able to be friends, not with all their emotions laying around.

"Bren..." Spencer trailed off. He couldn't lie to Brendon. He looked like a little kid playing with his big brother's guitar with his legs beneath him.

"Yeah." Brendon uncrossed his legs and set his guitar on the coffee table, his back turned toward Spencer. "Me neither."


End file.
